Anyone else?

Discussion in 'Non-Pyro chat' started by Dayle Ward, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. Okay this is a bit difficult to talk about. @Pyro Pete if its against forum rules please remove.
    We are mostly men on this forum and lets face it we dont talk about emotions.

    Is there anybody else here with Mental health issues/difficulties.

    Since the age of 13. Im now 24. Ive spent my life fighting to survive. I have been suicidal many many many times. With numerous attempts upon my life. Obviously i failed as im sat here typing this now. I have had very limited input from our overstretched and underfunded mental health professionals. Other than a leaflet and a few pills.
    I know this is a fireworks forum and not a mental health one.
    This forum though over the last few months has helped distract myself lots! From the inevitable. But as with everything else I feel the dark clouds forming This time of year is difficult for me all the added stress of trying to ensure that family and friends are happy.
    My 2 year old daughter had surgery on 1st october to try and allow her to walk. She is still recovering and we wont know how sucessful the surgery was for at least another 12 months. Bones take a long time to heal apparently.
    Im not looking for tea and sympathy. I just wonder if im the only one to feel this way.
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018
    Fireworks Nick likes this.
  2. Jon

    Jon Pro Firer/Crew

    I think it's a growing issue among young people combined with anxiety. I also think the first steps of mental health are often wrong. When I was at uni I fell into a depressive state and was recommended counselling. However, this made things worse as the councillor kept getting me to question my choices but never helped me answer any of my problems, I left every session with 10x more problems than I started with. After this failed I was put on fluoxetine which had some horrible side effects for a young man, one side effect being increased thoughts of suicide - what a great drug!!

    I think if you quizzed uni students you would be horrified of the amount on anti depressants.
  3. @Jon i know those side effects oh too well. I dont think theres any so called anti depressants that i havent been prescribed. And they never seem to fix the issue. Being of poor physical health does nothing to help matters either. Between depression, psychosis (hallucinations), fibromyalgia, amd chronic fatigue syndrome amongst other things health related I cant hold down a job. I would love to work. I miss it so much. I used to do 90+hour weeks on a self employed basis. These days i struggle to get to the supermaket.
    Gah i sound like an O.A.P!
    Counselling has never helped me ive always had very much the same experience that you did. Coming out feeling worse than when you go in.
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018
  4. scoops

    scoops Pro Firer/Crew

    Your not alone, it is unfortunately a very common problem; but as you say few get to talk openly without comment or judgement. I think it fair to say everybody has demons, some can suppress them others can't and each person's way of dealing will be different in its extremes.
    I know the dark side of things through my own experience. I'm happy to say, in the most I deal with them now without to many side effects.
    This forum has without a doubt changed my life for the better, I have met so many people and talk to people that I've never even met via it:)
    More than that it's a constant, a place of refuge and escapism; something everyone needs.
    @Dayle Ward PM me if you want to chat mate:)
    beeney, paul s, Daveandkate and 4 others like this.
  5. Pyro Pete

    Pyro Pete Forum Editor

    It's good to talk about things like this and yes, quite a lot of personal experience here too :cool:

    You say this time of year is difficult, do you mean specific things that have happened or the dire/dark/gloomy shite that is the UK winter in general? If the latter have you tried a SAD light? I use one every morning from after the clocks go back and it helps.

    Totally agree about the wrong approach to mental health by the NHS... a 10 minute GP appointment followed by some pills (which they don't tell you can make you far worse in the short term due to the side effects) and maybe a 6 week wait for CBT or counselling which may be similarly useless. That said, if you have not exhausted ALL the different classes of antidepressant I'd encourage you to keep trying, we are all different, there may be one out there with your name on it, I went through a few before getting one that worked.

    Sometimes life can seem like a dark, difficult place, you have to hang in there the best you can. I'm glad the forum has helped to distract you.
  6. Exbombhead

    Exbombhead Pro Firer/Crew Supports UKFR

    @Dayle Ward , I think everyone has at some point been through some dark time and like @scoops so rightly said, we all have our own coping mechanisms, no one will be the same but we all have something that might work most of the time. I was in a bad place after leaving the military and still have the odd stumble now and again, wierdly I found fireworks helped me. The social side of it is amazing and I never feel more peaceful than standing under a huge pro display, no matter how loud and in your face the display may be its quite weird actually!!

    I notice you’re a brummie, i work in and around Birmingham a few days a week and always happy to chat shit about pyro for half hour. If you’re ever in need of a chat, feel free to drop me a PM.

    Finally don’t forget, you sometimes have to go to the dark places to finally appreciate the lights. Enjoy your family and I wish your daughter and speedy and successful recovery.
  7. Huge respect to you @Dayle Ward and anyone else who has posted/is going to post, male mental health is one of the areas of life I feel gets very badly neglected and as men we're far better off trying to support each other, as I don't often feel there's much support from elsewhere. Certainly my GP was no help, I refused to go straight onto antidepressants so she basically sent me packing...

    I can definitely echo other comments though in that having a release, a place to go without having to think about life, is the best thing you can do. It took me 4 years, till I was 14, to find my release, and it transformed my otherwise very lonely life. Now many years later, thankfully life is in a decent place although I couldn't have said the same last year. No matter how lonely life may seem though, there is always someone to talk to, and always a reason to carry on living, even though it can sometimes be the hardest thing in the world.

    Best wishes to you and your daughter btw Dayle, always happy to talk if you or anyone else needs to vent :)
    Dayle Ward and Pyro Pete like this.
  8. i couldn't agree more scoops. and a healthy way of escaping at that. opposed to other methods that ive tried and learnt the hard way that they arent worth it such as for 12 months i practically lived in the local pub from morning till close, not a good idea lol. but that was before i "settled down" and had a kid. thanks for the offer of a chat i may take you up on it.

    i was meaning the Christmas season when i mentioned the time of year. i have depressive episodes at random and often out of the blue really but i cant recall the last December where i was 'okay'. i mean its meant to be a time of joy and laughter and yet all it really does is put people in debt to buy crap they dont need to be buying for people they dont speak to the rest of time. the commercialization of it. the way that being the main income source in a household forces all responsibility to make it a "happy and joyous affair" to be on them. bah humbug!! life has enough to stress and worry about without adding (these days) meaningless crap to it.
    sorry i ranted a bit there didnt i..
    unfortunately unless a new wonderdrug comes out that cures it for all! it would be more detrimental for me to change my anti depressant now. a positive side effect of this one is that it also eases some of the symptoms from my fibromyalgia and current meds available for that are no good for me other than strong painkillers and lets face it they're good for nobody long term.
  9. Only six weeks, Pete?
    I was quoted 18 weeks and then had to wait longer because my counsellor quit his job!
  10. Its ridiculous isnt it. And your screwed if you move out of area and have start the whole process over again. At one point i waited over 8 months to see a psychiatrist.
  11. Pyro Pete

    Pyro Pete Forum Editor

    I can see a gap in the market here for GCFT - Group Cognitive Firework Therapy :grouphug:
  12. Daveandkate

    Daveandkate Pro Firer/Crew Supports UKFR

    @Dayle Ward pm me and have a chat people on this forum helped me from going a second time after the first failed a few are @scoops @beeney @Sean Smythe to name the main ones

    It's a hard time for me not seeing my daughter and son for a second Xmas
    Dayle Ward, beeney and Pyro Pete like this.
  13. beeney

    beeney Pro Firer/Crew

    It is a tough subject and something I have to deal with on a daily basis with my partner! But talking does help in part. After losing my youngest brother to suicide (without any visible reason too ), it opened my eyes to a very real problem with many that I know.

    It's not nice seeing people in dark places, but agree this forum is better treatment than some NHS treatments available

    Pyro Pete, scoops and Dayle Ward like this.
  14. Sorry to hear about your brother bud may he rest in peace. I do agree that talking does help to some extent.
    With the way that mental health is such a taboo subject its not surprising that people dont speak up though. For a long time nobody knew about me. I masked it well with over the top humour. It wasnt until i was hospitalised that people noticed that i wasnt okay.. ive had many people over the years tell me to just 'man up' 'grow a pair' and had many many so called 'friends' walk away. I qouatate 'friends' because i feel true friends would be supportive. The nhs will only work if they look after the staff they have. Currently after a long fight i finally got a psychiatrist after 1 appointment he said okay see you in 3 months. By then he'd left. And it has been the same every three months since. Nobody alive can diagnose and help somebody in 1 hour of knowing them. Hence the system fails. 4 years later still undiagnosed (no surprise)
  15. Pyro Pete

    Pyro Pete Forum Editor

    That's so very tragic, sorry to hear about this.
  16. beeney

    beeney Pro Firer/Crew

    Sadly could not be helped. And goes to show even the ones that seem to have it all ( good job, hundreds of Freinds, in there life ect) also fight with demons....

    And like I said did open my eyes a bit to a growing issue in the country
  17. lee 1990

    lee 1990 Pro Firer/Crew

    @Dayle Ward just wanted to say well done for talking out. I myself suffered and still with depression and anixity. I also starting stuffring at a young age and didn't get any help till I was 24 after my second attempt at suicide. Tablets and CBT really helped me. But it not the answer for everyone . The whole reason I'm on this forum was I need to do something I enjoy. I'm now crewing with Illusion fireworks. I find working on a display takes my mind off all my worries get to put them to one side. Unfortunately there no magic cure I'll be the first to admit it will never fully go away. but the if there more better days than bad then I feel like I'm winning. I find keeping myself (my mind) busy stop the negative thoughts. I still get down periods. Your other illnesses will allso have a negative effect on you mental health. If you want someone to talk to please send me a private message.
  18. Im with you there pyro has always been a good escape for me. It will never cease to fill my face with glee. Hence we had a display this year. Even though its difficult to do and i pay for it afterwards. The planning and prep can drag out for months and i revel in it. I drive the mrs mental with my pyro talk.
    Cbt helped gain some mechanisms to help cope with the dark days and tablets seem to put plasters on wounds that need stitches and so eventually fail. Generally im ok these days and have learnt that this is the hand ive been dealt in life and need to find ways to adapt to it. Theres no changing it. So ive just gotta deal and get on with it. But its far from that simple.
  19. lee 1990

    lee 1990 Pro Firer/Crew

    Have you got any involvement with a pro company? It a lot easier and cheaper to get your fix that way.
  20. No such joy i dont think any pro company wouldnt risk assess me and say sorry but no lol my mental health history is a long one. Ukfr discount is as good as it gets for me.